dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
