A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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