i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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