??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
