so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
