so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
