Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
