I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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