anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
