he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
being pregnant is like rehab
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
