Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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