I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
did you just send me my own nude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
