I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
