Nicole vs. Life
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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