I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
