and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
