I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
