my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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