Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize