We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
