Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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