He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
