Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
