New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
