u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
