my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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