Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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