i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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