Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
