sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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