I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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