i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize