I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
