That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
