i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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