I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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