when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
