just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
