Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
