You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
