I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
