I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
