Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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