on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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