Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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