My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
