addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
