Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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