They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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