have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
