hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
