omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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