I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize