i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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