Don't you send me to vm
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
