those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
