Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
