I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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