U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
