Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Soap is not a condiment
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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