I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize