First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
