i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
