Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my poor anus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
