id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
