Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
