Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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