So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
