Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
