can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize