Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
