you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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