I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
