i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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