how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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