Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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