Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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