I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
