Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
