he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A+ Viking dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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