I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
