I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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