Are we in a gay sports bar?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
