I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
