okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
third nipple confirmed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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