She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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