If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex on a dog bed..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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