i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
