I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
