I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
