I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
