party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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