I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
