i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize