i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
